


Carpe Conspergunt Adipem (Seize The Grease)

by ConsiderableColors



Series: CRACK [10]
Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Arguing, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, I swear, M/M, McDonald's, Please read this i promise you'll at least tolerate it, Pokemon - Freeform, Swearing, These are all mentioned I'm not just spamming tags, Yugio, innuendos, undertale - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 09:41:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18008525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConsiderableColors/pseuds/ConsiderableColors
Summary: The DPS squad goes on a late night McDonald's run. It's never just that easy.





	Carpe Conspergunt Adipem (Seize The Grease)

"I think you'd be an Eevee."

"I think you'd be a Friska."

"Bitch, that's from Undertale."

"Shut up, I can't hear."

"Welcome to McDonald's," a young lady spoke, "How may I help you?"

"Yes, uh..." Meeks leaned out the window. "Can I get a Quarter Pounder, no cheese, with a medium Diet Coke? Then, a-"

"Do they have breakfast still?"

"It's 11pm, Pitts."

"Just get me a Big Mac and a Sprite then."

"Alright," Cameron bit his lip, "I'm going to get a Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad and a Doctor Pepper, NO ICE."

"That sounds fucking disgusting, Dick."

"What do you mean 'no ice'?"

"It dilutes the syrup!"

Meeks relayed the orders to the speaker system and turned to Knox, who took a deep breath.

"I want a Triple Cheeseburger, large fry, the Fruit N Yogurt parfait, a small Oreo Mcflurry, and an orange juice. WITH ice."

Meeks shook his head.

"Wh- but that's what I want!"

"I am not ordering you all of that."

"I'll pay for it," Knox offered.

"You're doing that either way."

"Nope." Knox slung an arm around Charlie with a shit-eating grin, "I'm being treated."

Charlie face-palmed. "Knoxious, when I said I was 'treating you tonight', I didn't mean fast food."

Pitts snorted.

"Neil, what the hell do you want?"

"20 piece nugget and a large fry. Todd and I are splitting."

"Drinks?"

"I'll get a strawberry shake." Neil turned to Todd.

"Just a black coffee," he shrugged John Mulaneyly.

Meeks stuck his head out the window and repeated everything.

"Will that be all for you?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Would you like any sauce with that?"

When 6 boys began shouting various things, Meeks groaned. "Just... Some of everything, please." 

"Alright, you're total is $200,970,432. You can pay at the first window. Have a good evening."

"You too." He craned his head around to look at the boys. "You guys better not spill shit in here."

"It's a mini van, Meeks."

"It cost more than your entire wardrobe, Dalton."

"Bet."

"The car's moving," Neil pointed out.

Meeks turned back around. "Alright, everyone hand up some cash."

"Um..."

"Meeksie, love, in my defense-"

"My wallet's at home, man."

"I can pay for it?" Neil offered.

"No, Neil, you've paid the last four times."

Todd pulled a wad of cash out of his pocket and handed it up.

Meeks rolled his eyes. "No, Todd."

"Why not?"

"Because then Neil's just going to sneak money into your bag when you're not looking."

"He doesn't do that!" Todd turned to Neil. "You don't do that, right?"

"I mean, every now and then-"

A loud horn honk was heard from behind.

"Meeks," Cameron said.

"I know, I know."

"This is the last McDonald's in town. We can't get on another watchlist."

"Whatever, but you guys are paying me back." Meeks drove up to the next window. "I am so sorry about that."

"He's gay, he doesn't know how to drive!" Charlie called from the back.

"That's a harmful stereotype and you know it."

"Guys," Pitts snorted, "He's trying to pay. Shut up."

Meeks dug into his wallet and paled when he only found a dollar.

"Oh yeahhhhhhhhh." Charlie mumbled.

"CHARLIE!"

"You said I could borrow however much I needed as long as I paid you back!"

"What the hell did you buy that cost ALL MY MONEY?! It was the DOLLAR STORE!"

"I WAS TRYING TO BUY THINGS FOR MY F R I E N D S, AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET FOR MY THOUGHTFULNESS AND GENEROSITY?!"

"Well what the fuck do we do now?" 

"I'm hungry," Cameron whined.

"No shit!"

"Wallet: Out. Bank account: Empty. Stress level: High. Chances of Meeks ditching the friend group: High. Chaotic satisfaction: High. List of restaurants we're still allowed in: Low. Hotel: Trivago. I am forcibly removed from McDonald's." 

"Charlie, I swear to God."

"This literally always happens, guys." 

"I said we should make a game plan beforehand, but nooooo."

"We're high schoolers, we can't afford to do this every weekend."

"If Knox had ordered less shit-"

"IT KEEPS ME SWOLE!"

"You're about as swole as a pencil!"

"We never figured out what Pokémon I am!"

"I said Marshmallon!"

"That's from Yugio! Why do none of you know Pokémon?!"

"Well, I wanted to go bowling!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

The next weekend, the poets were forced to drive for nearly an hour in order to get McDonald's.

**Author's Note:**

> I spent a long time on the McDonald's website figuring out what everyone would order, but I was too lazy to figure out how much it was cost. 
> 
> However, you'll find the price is the same number as the amount of chicken nuggets eaten in Kevin and Connor Go On A Date , another one of my crack fics. We love continuity.
> 
> My tumblr is considerablecolors if you'd like to stop by!


End file.
